


Struggles of a Survivor

by SMenace25



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Introspection, Nothing explicit, Past Sexual Abuse, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28915218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SMenace25/pseuds/SMenace25
Summary: T/W Childhood sexual abuse, maybe a touch of child neglect
Comments: 3
Kudos: 1





	Struggles of a Survivor

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what to put, thank you for reading, nothing graphic, I'm just in an introspective mood I guess

I have no idea if I'm going to post this, but a friend once told me that if I can't handle talking to a therapist, maybe I should post it, before it eats me alive inside anymore than it already has. So here goes.

When I was five years old, a neighbour of ours molested me for almost two years. 

I had an older, quite sick, brother and an older, just slightly less sick, sister, and my father had abandoned us the year before. So a single mother raising three kids on her own, one of whom spent a great deal of time in hospital and had quite a few behavioral problems, another a 15 year old who was questioning her sexuality, and the baby of the family, (me) at five, so determined not to be a problem child that she never complained about anything.

The neighbour, an older man, 50ish, a Deacon in the local church, the coach of my cricket team, and literally our next door neighbour, volunteering to look after the youngest child, after school, on weekends, and whenever her brother was in hospital, and a single mother, with not enough hours in the day to look after three kids, and work to put food on the table. It was probably an easy choice for the mother to make.

It only stopped when we moved house to a different city.

Even 27 years after it stopped, I'm 34 now, I still struggle to admit what happened. When I was a teenager, I refused to acknowledge it ever happened. I refused to admit it affected me. I denied the fact I needed help, and that I was depressed, and suicidal.

I still struggle with the fact I despise myself for being so weak I let it happen to me. Despite knowing, intellectually, that I couldn't have done anything, I still despise weakness in myself. I have spent so many years of my life scared of interacting with people, I no longer know how to. I hate to be touched by anyone, even my family. I am closed off from everyone emotionally, and I have no idea how to admit to a therapist what happened, and ask for help.

I guess my point in writing this is to say,

If someone is hurting you, tell a trusted teacher, friend, friends parent, the police, someone and ask for help.

Because I still regret not telling someone back then, and in the decades since.

Thank you for reading. Take care of your self.


End file.
